Everyone speaks of voices in their head! Those little moments in which a little voice speaks volumes of reassurance, personal perception or just awakening you to a reality of self awareness.
During my journey of self discovery and spirit’s awareness I, also had such experiences. Some, would occur in moments when my conscious mind was focusing on simple chores such as cleaning, showering or laying in bed preparing for sleep. Other times, the messages or promptings would come through writing or doodling.
I never considered myself an artist or a literary expert if anything, I was the complete opposite with stick figures and weird scribbles. However, in 1997, I was about to embrace a new chapter in my awakening. One of which, would change my world, my spiritual world, forever.
I began to feel the urge to write, not just any writing and not just any sitting and constructing a story. This writing was a conversation that would play out constantly in my mind. I know, the voice inside my head was talking back to me! Sentence after sentence, word after word until I, had no choice but to sit and put the information onto paper.
I would feel a rush of energy come over my self, a wave of energy liken to walking past an open window and catching a breeze that, engulfs your physical presence or standing in front of a heater and absorbing the warmth radiating through you body.
That sensation or feeling was the cue to ready myself to take notes and pay attention. It was like the “guys upstairs” spirit, were prepared to reveal something deemed important, philosophical or of meaning and I was prompted to best be attentive if, I wished to digest the information before it was forgotten.
Although, I would diligently write down each word or the impressions I received perhaps, thinking I was to open myself to some grand master of information. I also was swiftly kicked into remembering “as soon as you try to consciously try to correct, change or reason with what is coming through at that moment, the connection is cut.” Therefore, no room for rationale, overthinking or minimising the context of information relayed, you are just the “vessel”
Some, sessions would focus much on my own growth and deep subconscious healing. Whilst, other sessions made no real sense and seemed to not equate to anything I felt was relevant. I recall thinking perhaps it was a test to see if I was really open or ready to what information may come in the future.
In the April of 1997, I met someone who was to become my future husband. We did not meet physically until October 2017 but, through a miss mash of coincidences our paths were destined to cross, countries apart.
So, just briefly let me tell you - We met on a program called “net meeting” I would set aside my Friday evenings when the kids were all in bed to play Tangleword online, a bit like boggle. I was waiting this evening for the rest of my the friends that, I came to know over the time, to get online and we would all choose a room online to meet up and play.
Well, on such an occasion, I had an incoming call coming through on the “net meeting” program. I recall thinking to myself, do I answer this or not? it will probably be some weird person who thinks I am going to sit here talking dirty or similar. I hesitated, and decided on answering the call.
The person’s ID said PJ, I answer sheepishly with a “hello”, he replies “hello” and proceeds to say “I am glad you picked up. I was hoping to hear and Australian accent“ or ossie as he, would pronounce it!
I decide to right click his profile to see where he is located exactly in the US. I exclaim ” OH! you are from Metropolis! “ he laughed and replied “no, that would be super man, I am from Minneapolis”. I recall laughing so much I almost feel off the chair thinking how could I have misread that! What an idiot he must think I am.
We would spent a further 30 minutes or so talking about the difference in our lifestyles and countries before, I explained that, I was I online meeting friends and I would be off to game with them soon. Pj, politely asked, if it would be alright if we spoke again as he enjoyed listening to my accent.
As the months roll on, PJ and I began to speak daily, the romance blossomed and by October 2017, I prepared to travel to the US to meet him. I recall my mum being concerned that he could be anyone “Carolyn! He could be an axe murderer! you just don’t know.“ she said.
This did not deter me in the slightest, I just accepted this was meant to happen. Everything from buying my ticket, to gaining my passport and family to watch the four kids for a month, seemed to effortlessly fall into place. “It was just meant to be”
My visit was filled with much to see and do. But, it was also to become one of the most memorable and significant events in my work with spirit which, began a few days after I arrived. Pj, had left for work and I was laying in bed dozing in and out of sleep when I opened my eye to see an Native American man standing at the end of the bed.
I recall his appearance was early to mid 20’s in age. He had long dark hair and was wearing what appeared to be a chest plate or decoration which covered the top portion of his chest to his upper torso. At this time I was not too familiar with the culture and therefore, assumed this person may be connected to Pj in some way.
A few days later I was to meet Pj’s parents and family. We travelled to Ashland, Wisconsin. On one of the occasions we went down to Lake Superior, Bayfield area. Pj had explained the area was very much home to the Native America Tribes which, the 10,000 Nations, met and disbanded If, I recall correct.
It was a very strange feeling looking around the Duluth, Bayfield and Ashland. I had not ever been before yet I felt a sense of “I have come home”. This prompted me to wonder if the Native American man, I had encountered was somehow important to perhaps myself?
Upon returning to Australia, several months would pass by into 1998 but, I could not shake the experience of what I saw, felt and was drawn to explore more. I recall buying a Jamie Sams Animal Medicine deck, reading her book “Other Council Fires Were Here Before Ours” and discovering Ted Andrews “Animal Speaks”. My appreciation for nature, the environment and animal kingdom was heightened with every symbol, sign and movement.
I recall this being such a strong connection to what I just could not fully fathom at the time. Then, one evening I was meditating in bed and I started to see what I can only call a vision. I was standing on a mountain and before me was a young girl. She was facing overlooking a dry and very yellow field. I could smell the grass and the air, dry and hot.
As, I stood behind this young girl who was sitting, I was drawn to two emulates or round silver and turquoise disc decorations holding her hair. I could hear her crying and upon looking closer, I could see her head was in her hands. I was so focused on her, I did not see an old white haired Native American man come to stand at my left hand side.
All of a sudden he was ushering me with hand motions as if to do something about the young girl crying. He kept repeating time and time again (forgive my pronouncing as I, explained I was unfamiliar with much) arma wee chee . I recall looking back at him and shaking my head indicating that, I had no idea what he was trying to say. But, he kept saying it over and over again Amar Wee CHEE! with a sense of urgency each time.
I recall looking around me trying to understand where I may be. I could see nothing but flat dry land and yellow grass (likened to wheat field but not as tall). I recall starting to walk forward past him and as I did I looked back and the girl and he had gone. I started to turn back around to keep walking forward. As I did, a young Native American man came into my direct path out of nowhere, bumping hard into my left shoulder almost knocking me from my feet as if, he did not see me in his path.
I continue forth, I can now see a fox tail on a wooden staff in the ground. The foxtail is caught on the breeze but, stead fast to the wooden pole. I then, continue to walk past the wooden staff to come through to the other side of what felt like a portal or clear sphere of energy upon which, the experience stopped.
The experience was to be one of many as in time I began to learn more, I experienced more. Again, on another occasion at night whilst meditating laying in bed. I was focusing on the rhythm of breathing and all of a sudden I was face to face with wolf.
The wolf had two front paws firmly placed on my collar bones, staring down upon where he was positioned on my chest. I could feel the heavy weight as the wolf lowered his head down to where I could feel the warm of his breath in my face. The wolf’s face was now centimetres from mine, his eyes looking straight into mine.
I recall calming my mind, thinking I must not try and move. The wolf growled and I recall thinking I must not turn my head, I need to not show fear. As, soon as I acknowledged this to myself the wolf, became lighter and I regained my ability to move.
But, through it all I would spend a very big portion of my connection with Amar Wee Chee, the Native American man, whom I beleive showed himself the very first time at the foot of the bed on my first visit to the US In 1997. The same person who reappeared as an old man in my vision in the field in 1998/1999 and who would appear a third time several years later (2001) in vision for a final time.
There is so much I wish to share about this journey, and I will in future blogs. But, right now I need to focus on Amar Wee Chee. The last and final time he would appear was just after I relocated to Qld with my children in 2001. Pj, was due to arrive later that year and we were to be married by the March of 2002. We both had spent the last several years travelling back and forth, with me to the US in 1997, PJ, to Australia in 1998, with me returning in 1999 to the US to visit and Pj‘s return visit to Australia in 2000. It was time to decide on making a commitment as the long distance commute once a year to see each other was quite taxing on the relationship.
Pj, was set to immigrate to Australia, in the October of 2001. I recall around February / March of 2001 waking from a very surreal dream. I was on a beach and from a distance, walking towards me was a male and two females. As, the trio come closer I recall looking down at one of the woman’s feet and noticed she was wearing sandals. I recall thinking how impossible it is to walk in sandals on a beach as the sandals fill with sand. Both women are dressed in long flowing dresses and beads hanging from their necks. One of the women seems to stand very close to the other woman who appears to be holding her hands to her pregnant belly.
I recall looking intently at the women as they both stopped and stood in front of me. The pregnant woman moved her hands over her belly and said “ I am choosing not to have this baby, as this baby is to be for you” I recall looking puzzled at why this perfect stranger would be approaching me with such a statement. Before, I could say a word, the young man with who was walking behind with the two women and stopped as they both did, moved past and walked directly in from of me.
He was tall, I recall his skin was glistening from the sun as he bent down and hugged me. As, this was happened I looked over his shoulder and along the shore line was lined with young Native American men in full traditional dress. In this moment, the men simultaneously raised round shields in front of them, standing facing towards the beach with the waves rolling in behind.
I recall feeling a great sadness, a goodbye from the man who is now hugging me tight. I recall the smell of his skin, the warm of his embrace. I realise this is Amar Wee Chee ! I did not recognise him until this very moment. I begin to recognise more so as my mind begins flashing back to the time lines in which we met on two occasions prior. Arma Wee Chee! Where have you been? I have missed you? I said.
As I began to realise in my dream state just what I was experiencing, I began to wake and found myself crying. I realised it was his time to go that our journey had come to an end at this time.
Pj, arrive later that very year. We married in March of 2002 and against all medical odds I fell pregnant and gave birth at 37 to our beautiful daughter Montana in June 2004. I, to this very day believe that woman on the beach who said to me in that dream gave me that chance - her words forever live on in my memory and gratitude for the experience and journey I shared in growth and wisdom with Amar Wee Chee. Somehow, I beleive he will return again but, for now I am humbled by that which, I have learnt.